Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Looks or Personality- which is the worse Rejection?

I was just wondering about being... 

Would you prefer to be rejected on just your looks, or your personality?

I was on the train and this guy approached me and started talking to me. No problem, I'm a nice person, I wasn't going to embarrass him on a train. Well, I could immediately tell that I wasn't into him, he just wasnt my type looks wise. After asking me a couple of questions he asked whether we could meet up soon. So I decided to ask him a few questions. He wasnt an ugly person, perhaps his personality was "my type". Well, turns out he seemed kind of boring and I was no more interested in him than before I met him. However, it had gone too far, we had a conversation, and now it would be really rude for me to turn him down.

I took his number to save face, but as I got off the train it occurred to me- would it have been rude to reject him due to his looks or because of his personality? What would the every-day Joe (or Josephine) take worse?

The Notebook- a serious tear-jerker for Owl and I...

I came home and consulted a friend, who seems to share my view. She felt that once you started talking to a person, it made any subsequent rejection or turn-down would now be taken very personally. At the end of the day, we all want to be liked (even the those who act like they don't). If a person doesnt like us because of our looks, then whatever, we're not everyone's cup of tea. But if someone doesnt like our personality, or the other things we have to offer, well, that kinda sucks.

What's your opinion? Would love to hear your views on the blog, or Tweet us @grabaspoon.

Friday, 25 October 2013


So, to remind/tell anyone who didnt know. Before ELB my last long term relationship was a long distance one. Me in the UK, him in the States. Spending months apart, emotional hysterical goodbyes at airports, long lonely nights wanting nothing more than a hug. Been there, done that, could write the book.

So when we broke up I was kinda relieved that I didn't have to go through that anymore. Love isn't planned but I had a fairly good inclination that I wasn't going to put myself through that again.

ELB doesn't exactly live minutes round the corner, but a minute trip isn't too bad at all. (It'd be even less if I was a driver) My definition always was "If there was a crisis could you drop everything and get to them easily?" If the answer was no then it was a LDR.

So I consider myself very fortunate, ELB and I see each other pretty much every week, spending weekends together and the occasional weeknights at pub quiz's.

When we first started dating I had a big work event that meant I didnt see him for a while, but we'd only been dating a few weeks and it was actually very exciting to know at the end of it we were spening a few days together during our first "sleepover"

But now I'm on another work trip. In Scotland. I made the most of having travel paid for and am also seeing a close friend for a few days. Meaning I'm away from home for 9 nights - two weekends. And it SUCKS! I know I know I really shouldn't moan. And it's not that I'm majorly clingy or co-dependent. There's just something about this trip that has me feeling those familiar LDR feelings.

I've got a hoodie that smells of him, the teddy he bought me and I'm texting him non-stop.

I know there are many people much worse than me - I've been there. But it's all relative I guess. I'm used to seeing ELB all the time, and snuggling up with him on my precious weekends relaxing. So after working my ASS off doing 10 - 12 hour days for the last month it doubly sucks to be away from him.

I don't really know what else to say on the subject. I just wanted to comment on how weird it was and how much its making me feel a bit rubbish. So that's that.

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Over-thinking being nice? THIS is a problem...

Just a quick post. I realise we haven't posted in a while. As with everyone in this crazy jungle of life, things just gets away from us sometimes. Owl has a lot going on with work etc and I was off everything "dating" for a bit, trying to mentally recharge.

Well, I'm back again, trying to navigate this scary and often frustrating world of dating. In fact, I just started seeing this guy, and we seemed to get along for the first few dates. However, he recently told me that his parent has been taken seriously ill. 

I have given him space because he seems to be completely focused on that (understandably!) The thing is,  I want him to know that I am thinking of him, and I want to be supportive. However, how supportive can I really be? I don't know him so well to visit his mum (I've never even met her- its only been a few dates after all!) And I don't want to bombard him with supportive texts and phone calls, I just don't know whether that would be useful.

"I made this just for you- hope your mum feels better"
I don't think this will work...
This is not a "shall I give her a mix-tape or house key?" dilemma. I want to show him that I care, but I don't want to bother him, or become overbearing. There is also the small nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me that this would be a good excuse for him to use to back out of seeing me again. 

(No, I haven't used this excuse before... nor anything like it... ahem...)

Its a possible "He's just not that into you" kind of situation. I hate those. They have you second guessing the smallest things. They even have you second guessing second guessing.

Well, after a few days over-thinking it, I decided not to over-think it. I will send him a message, letting him know I'm thinking of him, then take it from there. There is nothing wrong with me letting him know that I care. That's meant to be a good thing. And if he doesn't appreciate it, if he's too busy to get back right away, if he decides that he thinks I'm overbearing well, that's fine. Because no matter what, I am being true to myself, and the man I will end up with after all this dating malarkey will understand that.

Until then? Well, I have plenty going on to pass the time. Overthinking is no longer on that list.

Panda x

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