Friday, 24 August 2012

The importance of "playing it cool"

After any encounter, whether its being chatted up, a first date or a fling it is vital to play it cool.

Now I am in no way advocating any of these crappy dating rules of “wait 3 days” “don’t text first” yadda yadda.


There is such a thing as keeping an air of mystery about you. And again, maybe this directly counteracts my much preached advice of “communicate and talk” but it comes down to striking a fine balance. Don’t show all your cards at once – leave some things to be discovered – and let him want to discover them.

Take this recent experience of a friend of a friend. After an enjoyable night and the standard swapping numbers she was also given a business card with all the standard webby details. Granted nothing that a simple Google search probably wouldn’t have thrown up but at the same time – there was these details. Gleaming in front of her – just BEGGING to be used. She allowed herself a quick peruse *cough cough* of the website, but held off until after the weekend to add him on Twitter.

Bare in mind this was after a brief text a few days prior – prompted by the lovely man in question.
But now – we are firmly into the playing it cool zone. There are no rules for this – no set timelines, no formulas. “call immediately and he will never want to see you” “leave it 3 days and 16hours and you will be married within the year” – no, this will not happen. However leave enough time that he may have started to wonder “hmm what is she up to?”

Basically what we are aiming to avoid is the clich├ęd impression of the clingy needy girl. From what I’ve heard most men prefer women with a sense of self and a streak of independence. And then the old “hunter” gene kicks in. He WANTS to pursue – the thrill of the chase! Just make sure you don’t play it so cool he thinks you’re not interested at all.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Rave Meditation

It's strange, whenever I find myself in a clubbing situation, I always end up finding a quiet space to sit and meditate. Okay, not meditate. Zen masters would find it difficult to sit still with this kind of baseline. But it often feels like the perfect time to think about how I feel about my relationship situation.

And this is what I'm doing. My friends are off, singing and dancing away, enjoying themselves. And I'm sitting on a sofa, enjoying everyone else's enjoyment. I know it seems strange. I've been doing it for years. I guess being in a social context where everyone is dressed to the nines and most people are looking to "hook up" makes me think of how I feel.

For many years this was an uncomfortable space to be in. That happens when you're in a long term relationship that you're not entirely happy being in (more on that another time). That was a few years ago now, and I haven't been in a relationship since. I won't lie, a lot of this single time has been uncomfortable pining, wishing I was in something meaningful, where I could truly express my feelings. I felt having someone else to love made me a better person, so being without a relationship made me only partly complete. I know there are many other women who know this feeling. As if we're missing out on a vital part of being a woman. Having someone... There. I'm no feminist, nor am I of the school of thought that women have a "place" in the world. I merely mean my whole biology was geared toward feeling something for someone else.

I'm using past tense here. Because I no longer feel this way. Something changed in me, over time but also quite suddenly. People say that time is a healer, and that you need time after a long relationship to really get back to you. (Owl says you need to divide the length of the relationship by two to calculate the amount of time it takes to get over someone... so far this rings true!) This means loving yourself and really taking care of yourself. It has taken me so long to truly understand exactly what that meant.

For so long, I knew I was taking care of myself. But was I really putting myself first? I needed to find time for me, doing the things I really enjoyed and really basking in my own, individual, single company. It was difficult at first, and sometimes still can be. But recently something has clicked, and I really appreciate the time I spend in my own head. I make myself laugh and really feel good when I do all the little things that I love and enjoy.

Why am I having these thoughts in the middle of a rave? I don't know. Maybe it's being surrounded by all these single people, and me realising that I don't need anything from them. I don't need the hottest guy to give me eye contact. I don't need to give my number to a guy to feel happy with my night. Achieving my own happiness comes completely from within me. And within me is feeling pretty good with itself.

That said, I should really get back to dancing. Might as well make the most of a good night out with my friends and dance til my feet hurt! It's what will make me happy right now :)

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Top 10 reasons why dating is awesome

  • We decided to make our first blog post a bit fun, to give you an idea of the conversations that happen between Owl and Panda, and an insight into our dating worlds. So here you have our top 10+ reasons why we think dating is great!
    (This is an actual transcript of our Facebook conversation discussing this!)

    Owl: So what should our first blog post be about? 

    Panda: How about a how to guide or a list or a top 10?

    O: Ooh yeah top 10! "Top 10 reasons why dating rules?"

    P: "No 1. You get a lot of free meals"

    O: "Hmm I'm not sure I agree with that one, but ok a definite reason! How about...getting to explore and find out new places?"

    P: Okay, No 3: you get to dress up! minus the stress of finding something to wear... your turn!

    O: Yes! Thats a good one! Umm...that excited gooey feeling when they text you? That feelings awesome!

    P: 5 You have met someone who likes you and wants to get to know you better in person... yeah, that is nice!

    O: I guess this kind of links in but the geek in me makes this another point. Discovering those shared interests and "ME TOO!" moments.

    P: first kisses

    O: "Second kisses" (had to get a friends quote in there!)

    P: Lol! Talking about it with your friends! 

    O: Flirting smile

    P: Sweet texts 

    O: hehe amen to that one! What are we up to now? 

    P: 11 lol. Should we stop? Because I think I can probably think of 10 reasons why dating sucks sometimes

    O: I think thats a whole other blog post! grin How about we round it off with the all round fuzzy feeling (I wont say butterflies) you get? 

    P: Ah, yes, fuzzy. We loves fuzzy lol

     Tell us why you think dating is awesome! 

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